Friday, October 16, 2015

Demon


A lady killer, heart-throb, lover, dream-boat, eye candy, and more, Demon could charm the birds out of the trees. His nick name had more to do with his frenetic energy than it did with any menacing behavior. He could just as easily been labeled "Angel."

But Demon it was, as in "he wrote like a demon," when he wrote, which wasn't as often as I would have liked. He was too busy doing tattoos on the side in a prison that forbade tattooing. He wanted to do one on me.

"I'll bring my needle, " he said one time in workshop. "We could do it right here." He looked around the Programs Room, with its blackboard that had no chalk, the bare walls, the ceiling tiles stained by roof leakage.

"You mean you have a tattoo gun?" I asked incredulously.

Don't ask me how or where or any other logistic details about such a thing. All I know is that contraband makes it into prison. One week, a brick of black tar heroin had been found in the false bottom cavity of an inmate's drawer. I swear that there are times when I see stoned inmates on the yard. It's a testimony to desires finding a way, and I would not be shocked to hear that inmates have ways to get cell phones or more exotic goods.

"You never heard nothing from me," he said, smiling, meaning, yes.

I couldn't believe it, but it was just another in the series of surprises that Demon brought to the workshops.

He was an artist. A real artist. In another life he might have been a famous painter, or film director, or, maybe, poet. In terms of "human capital," his stock could have demanded a premium. That it did not is nothing less than tragic. His physique suggested Adonis, and his tattoos, which were numerous, were the quality that comes only at the highest price. There was a portrait of Marilyn Monroe on his shoulder blade; vines with roses grew down his calf; some kind of reptile snaked up his forearm and rested on his shoulder, looking viewers in the eye. Some of them he had done himself; others were executed under his close oversight and standards.

I considered the offer, for the briefest of delusional seconds. The vision of a corrections officer opening the door with the volunteer being tattooed would signal the end of the writing workshops.

"You know I can't do that," I said.

"Just wanted you to know I'm willing. I'd do it for free," Demon said, big grin filling his face.

His tatts, as they were, did not confrom to the gang-banger, macho type, and I could tell from the workshop dynamics that his work, or his unwillingness to work, was something of an "issue" out on the yard. He didn't conform to blunt authority all that well. His writing was a testimony to that.

He was a free spirit in a world where that can land you in prison, and it had. To hear it from him, all he was interested in was doing his art (top priority) and chasing romance (very close second), always the gentleman. I read many episodes of beach lovemaking in Mexico, dangerous romances with the consorts of drug lords, tourists looking for a lark with an exotic tattoo artist.

There were also the drug arrests, the automatic weapons to the back, the rough treatment, beatings, and cross-border extradition. He told me he was working on a book-length work and asked me to type up several chapters. They were good, but needed work to become publishable.

He told his story the way he did everything: with ebullience and passion. While his techniques were primitive, his learning curve with language was steep, and he climbed it with like a man starving for what lay above.

Here is a poem he wrote.



I am the Mess You Chose



Banking constant dollars

In Big Big Business

As I’ve strung a lasso

Round about neck high

To your high-heeled legs.

Penguin suits can solemnly dare.

Stare stone split stares

A shore of foam…

Unrecorded violence

In sympathy my last, Black

Séance is a note

To your condemnation.

Tear a curtain shredded

As Samson is shaved

Bald, signs for weakness brightened

A cold industry abandoned

Damaging single mothers

My son is now your target.

Stop me now?

I’ll just stumble atrociously

Never to be broken

Simply manic.

The understanding swells.

May I have a horse

At the end of my rope?

It’s me tatted down you chose

A rifle I have eaten. Afterlife

A haven for parasites

Just a movie forgotten

Pathetic pansies!!!

I was chosen.

The intensity here was no less than every piece he brought to the workshops. In some ways, I didn't know what to say to him. He had gone into a language that was so rich and playful that it was beyond me to make constructive critique.

Then, as often happens, he was "rolled up," moved off the yard after his tattoo needle was confiscated. I heard that things had gone badly when they found his gun.

I never got that tattoo and have been spoiled for considering one from a lesser artist. I hope Demon doesn't relent, that he keeps his high pitched passion, that his art thrives in the soil of his many liaisons, his humming, exigent genius.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

A Little Out There


He is wiry. Compact, thickly muscled, and what in other days was called jaunty. His nappy hair he wears braided. He tends to carry an expression of amusement, of some joke he knows that no one else has gotten.

He also has a far-off look in his eyes.

I guess he is what many would call mentally unstable, part of why he is in prison, most likely.

Prison is, after all, where we put many of our mentally ill after the Reagan Era terminated funding for their care in hospitals.

I don't know what brought him to the writing workshops, but he has become one the regulars for the last several years. He sits across from me, and nods a lot. He writes odes to God and says he sees things most people don't.

He is also impulsive, and quick to take magazines or dictionaries that I offer. Sometimes the other inmates don't appreciate that, so I have to be careful about how those resources get distributed.

A week ago, he very ceremoniously presented me with a letter of sorts. He said, "Give this to your wife. I know she will like it." He was adamant about this.

What he did not know is that M. is struggling. She is going through a dark night and looks for comfort in soulful music, poetry, and close friends.

"You give this to her," he said again. "She'll know."

Now, you may be thinking something like "This guy is a wing-nut, half-a-bubble-off-plumb, bonkers, not-playing-with-a-full-deck," or other off-the-rails expression. And you would be correct. But consider some of the following.

Last spring, before I took a hiatus from the workshops to work on the house in New Mexico, Mr. L. took me aside as I walked to the guard house and sally port. He looked straight at me, hard. "Now, you listen... You have some kind of truck, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, you need to careful. I'm just telling you. You need to be careful driving that truck. Because there is a lot of trouble out there, and some gonna come to you. So you drive slow and careful."

As I turned to leave, he stood there and spoke to my back. "You be careful up there. You and that truck. You drive careful."

I didn't think much of it, but did remember that he seemed to know when I was coming to the workshop. He told me that he could "see" me coming down the road, from miles away. He knew, even when the guards told him otherwise, that I was coming to meet the writing workshops. "They said you weren't coming, but I knew you were. I told the guys so."

When I returned to the workshops at the end of summer, Mr. L. was first in line and made a bee line to me and asked "So, how's your truck? Is it bad? You look OK."

I had said nothing, but had been in an accident, been T-boned in Gallup in an intersection. The truck was nearly totaled.



"You gonna fix it? Can you fix it? Everything OK? You need to be careful about that front end."

Remember, I still had said nothing. The truck had been hit right at the front wheel. The impact knocked us into the oncoming lane. If I had been going any faster, the collision would been absorbed by the door, behind which Megan sat.

"It's going to cost a lot, but the truck will be fixed," was all I said.

"Is your wife OK?"

"She was a little shaken up, but she is good," I said, as other men filed in and Mr. L. took his place across from me at the table. He spent the day nodding in assent, smiling when he caught my eye, as the other men read their work.

That was six months ago. Since then, he keeps checking in, following me to the guard house after the workshops. He has not offered up any more warnings or advice beyond "I knew you were coming today. I saw you."

I kept all of this in mind when I presented Megan with the card. She opened it and found a hand-drawn heart surrounded by flowers, all if it intertwined, all of it on a manila file folder transformed into art. This came from a man who has no "official" access to paints, Exacto knives, brushes, or markers.In fact, those things are contraband.

M. found the card soothing, lovely, meticulously crafted.

I put the card on the mantel with the other Christmas cards.



I'll have to ask Mr. L. about it when I see him next.

His eyes will likely be looking through me to something distant, either here or out there over the horizons of his mind.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Lifting the Lid: How Prison Writing Workshops Can Shine Light on the Social Shadow


When I point my old Subaru south, the familiar butterflies take wing. I drive toward the tracks, the coal-fired power plant, and the state prison, where I will meet the writing workshops. About the time I merge onto the interstate, I get nervous. The reasons are both trivial and close to a live nerve.
I am nervous that I will not do a good job running the workshops. That’s the teacher in me, and my apprehension is well founded. The workshops have been going on for almost 40 years, and they have a decorated, high profile history. There is no way I can live up to what Richard Shelton has done with inmate writing – National Book Awards, Endowment for the Humanities grants and on and on. But I am a teacher and writer and pay attention to the challenges in front of me, which loom large as I approach the Arizona State Prison Complex at the end of Wilmot road.  
The “population” of workshop members is a Rubik’s Cube of ethnic diversity, previous education, expectations, and attitudes toward writing. It’s a challenge not unlike a tough English 101 class, but the racial divides and prison politics, the “shot-callers” and gang affiliations are all there, waiting at the door when the workshop is over, hanging over the yard like a poison cloud. I am not totally naïve about the realities of inmate life, especially in the higher security yards, yet even this is not the core source of my agitation.
I am concerned that I have not sufficiently prepared, that I have forgotten to type or make copies of inmate work, that I am not up to the job of providing what these men need to improve their writing. I feel some of the same butterflies on the first day of college writing classes for similar reasons. All teaching situations require customized planning, whether teaching upper division non-fiction prose classes, first year developmental writing, or prison creative writing workshops. 
       I do not get nervous because I will soon be sitting in a room with twenty inmates in a medium-high security unit of the Arizona State Prison Complex, nor because of the sometimes rigid and byzantine bureaucracy that seems to be forever changing the rules. No, the nervousness comes from a fear that I will have to meet some of my own demons, that I will shrink from the harsh facts of inmate stories, that I will fail to help the men to tell their stories in a way that readers will find compelling enough to see the human face behind the words. 
Yes, there is more going on here. Prison is more than a place of confined bodies; it is also, literally and metaphorically, the place of confined, broken, disowned, and silenced stories. It is no secret that the US has the highest documented rates of incarceration in the world, and Arizona ranks 6th among the states at 572 in prison per 100,000 residents. Much has been written about the social, political, and economic costs of incarceration, but the social psychology of American incarceration hasn’t received much attention. There is more even than a kind DSM catalogue of mental illness and how prisons have become the holding bin for the mentally ill who have no advocates or resources. There is even a more subtle, more insidious dynamic at work.
Prison reflects what Carl Jung calls the shadow, that aspect of the psyche to reject and disown the unpleasant aspects of a whole human. Unpleasant traits like addictions, poverty, mental illness, violence, racism, ignorance -- the whole package -- ends up locked away. What is “human” includes as much atrocity as it does fine art, after all. Jung contends that denying the shadow comes at a great cost, that vitality decreases in proportion to the energy needed to keep the shadow at bay.  It is worth noting that he does not argue for acting out the “Mr. Hyde,” aspects of the psyche, but that full autonomy results only from being aware of what is in the shadow, how it shows up in fits of anger, sadness, depression, even psychosis. He argues the “enlightenment does not come imagining figures of light, but my making the darkness conscious.” He also says that how the mind organizes itself manifests in social organization and behavior. What goes on inside, in other words, takes a parallel form outside, in social structure, institutions, organization. 
          One might ask, "How does darkness become conscious?" Good question that. The best way I know is through story. The disowned elements of the psyche rise to consciousness in dreams and story. Stories have a way of defusing some of the tension of repression, freeing that energy for creative work. Making art is another way to touch the shadow. Inviting inmates to create, and in the process, to access some of that shadow, is one way to make their presence conscious to the psyche of the free world, the un-incarcerated. 
The inmates in our prisons are the exiled aspects of the social body, the rejects, the throw-aways, the denied. Many of the men I work with in prison are there because they are the left-overs when opportunities ran dry. Society does not offer everyone the same chances, the same educations, the same encouragement or preparation. The ones who are left out of the legal avenues to upward improvement have no choice but to make their own opportunities in underground systems, black markets, organized gangs, or criminal taking of resources.
If I am honest with myself, I know that I am no better than they are, and, quite possibly would have made the same choices given similar situations. Yes, there are dangerous men in prison, violent sociopaths who should be contained. But there are others, many others. Non-violent drug offenders usually make it in the workshops. I know some who claimed they needed to feed a family, so played the only game open to them; they did what they had to do. Being a product, in some ways, of my environment and privilege, I know that I did not have to make some of the choices these men made. Going into the prison reminds me of those parts of myself that I have not had to feed to survive.
I have to consider the truth of stories I would rather not hear and that those stories serve as witness for those unpleasant facts that the free world would rather ignore. It is my place to raise the questions that will lead to more effective telling, forms and quality that will result in publication. In many ways, I am the bad news that stories will have to re-written if they will ever go beyond the privacy of a festering wound.
The butterflies settle as I pass through the six electric gates, three ID checkpoints, and long walk across the open yard to the Programs Building. As the men enter the room and help to set up the desks and chairs, I find myself on more familiar ground, talking about language and ideas, the same topics I address in college writing classes. It is this point of contact, this negotiation, and how it differs between the prison and the university that I would like to explore. It’s a good subject, and one that, as a teacher I find challenging to think about.  
When I first consider the differences in how I approach college classes compared to the prison workshops, I see more continuity than disconnect.  In some ways, in other words, writing is writing, whether it be a freshman comp class at the university or a creative writing class in the prison. I am not surprised to eavesdrop on the men in the workshop at the door to our classroom arguing over the uses and abuses of profanity or whether explicit violence is necessary to develop a particular story. Inmates are often less jaded and more passionate about style and content than my undergraduate students, though both share the interest. All that said, the contexts and purposes of prison writing workshops and college writing courses are drastically distinct and require that I tailor methods and materials to fit the job.
The biggest difference between my university teaching and the prison workshops is what one could call the “social and political constructs” within which the writing happens. Angela Davis coined the term “prison industrial complex” as way to get a handle on the epidemic increase in incarceration along with the growth of private, for profit prisons.
Our prison population is the highest in the world, and part of what leads to incarceration is illiteracy. Learning to read and write makes it less likely that one will end up in prison, or, in the case, of already being there, makes it less likely that an inmate will return. The reasons for decreased recidivism and literacy are not fully understood, but the relationship has been documented, and parsing the particulars is beyond the scope of this essay.
As a teacher, I need to understand the context of the workshops.  Inmates don’t get credit, grades, or degrees for their writing. Inmates come to the workshops for a wide variety of reasons, sometimes just to get some paper and a pen. More often than not, they bring some kind of question, something about how to express feelings they cannot contain, or about how to compose a letter to a judge. Sometimes they come for the wrong reasons and find better ones as time and writing progresses.
The prison population, like any other, is diverse and complex. J., for example, graduated from an Ivy League school before becoming a heroin addict, and C. dropped out of school in the eighth grade. Yet they see themselves represented stereotypically in television, film, and advertising as low-lifes, cruel, mentally deranged, stupid, comically inept. As a result, inmates have desensitized to criticism, or gotten so thick skinned that they accept it with much of a struggle. Paradoxically, they tell me the workshops are a place where they can feel, be more human for a while.
Inmates write about a world I barely know – one of addiction, homelessness, violence, prostitution, as well as love, hope, and spiritual life. They patiently explain terms like “tweaker,” and strategies to stretch food stamps like buying a cheap item with the stamp and then taking the cash for what they really want. They have few illusions about clichés like a fair, blind justice system and are jaded about equal enforcement of laws. Unlike students at the university, I do not have to persuade inmates that poverty, race, and class all figure in to opportunities offered.
Consider the work of J., an addict, an ex-member of the Aryan Brotherhood, he says, and one of the more serious members of the workshop:

Heroin Cosmology

A flame flickers
Beneath the flimsy white plastic spork
But it does not melt
Into an unrecognizable blob.
Instead, thousands of tiny new planets
Sizzle into existence, pop into extinction
A fresh galaxy of euphoria.
The clear plastic mosquito slurps its fill
And the newest god winces
As the needle-sharp silvery fang punctures.
He begins to pray to Him
To see crimson swirling and congealing
Mixing with dark nirvana, however temporary
It is evidence of true aim.
As the smooth black rubber o-ring rams home
And the white circle of string
Is untied from above a bicep
Eyelids droop, jaws slacken, mysteries are revealed,
And A-H-H!
The vice tightens
Another turn
The grip
Like jaws of a leg-hold
Trap.

J. grew up in Phoenix, lived on the streets after he dropped out of high school, an saw no hope of going to college. He was married for a while and has children. He is an Arizona son who is shrewd enough to see opportunities and take them.

***

The physical space of the workshops is decidedly low-tech: no ELMO, LCDs, connectivity, or even overhead projectors. The workshops operate in the age of pencil and paper. Regimentation, martial authority, and predatory relationships pervade the yard. All of this adds up to a “no bullshit” atmosphere. My persona has to be one that radiates confidence and commitment to what we are doing. I have to believe in it. I have to have reasons that the inmates understand and respect for what we do.
Writing in the workshops is intrinsically motivated. That is, I don’t tell them what to write about. They choose the subjects, though I do give “assignments” for those who are stuck. For example, I might ask them to describe an idea or concept as a character, to personify an abstraction like despair. But I tell them that they have to do the assignment, or something else that they want to work on. Most just work on what they want to write about. The work is usually what we composition people call “expressive” or creative – prose, poetry, and fiction, or some blend of them.
The inmates bring a rich well of experience to the workshops, but not always the technical skills to present that experience in a way that most readers will find interesting or comprehensible. In order to polish the writing, inmates must work on language, rhetorical strategies, syntax, form. We talk about matching the subject to the form best at conveying it. It is heady, hard work. The “lessons” of “showing, not just telling,” using figurative language, selecting telling detail, and many others, are all woven into the context of drafting, revising, editing.
Another aspect that contributes to motivation lies in the end goal of the workshop: publication. The Poetry Project is supported by a grant from the Lannan Foundation that pays for a yearly magazine. For years it was the Walking Rain Review under Richard Shelton, but now it is Rain Shadow, part tribute, part description of the meteorology around the prison.
A literary journal speaks to a wider audience than most of the inmates write for. They write for each other, and the results are sometimes embarrassing in the sophomoric, puerile humor, the sexism, the scatological hilarity. When I point to this, often the only voice who wants improvement, they tell me I would understand if I were incarcerated. I don’t disagree, and remind them that they aren’t just writing for other inmates if they want their work published. In order to publish, they have to move beyond complaining or the easy slap-stick and find an image or a telling detail or a story with breathing characters rather than general abstractions. These are the messengers that both speak from the shadow and to a reader. Energy is exchanged and art is born. This, to me, is when the writing becomes truly dangerous in making connections between the free world and that of the prison.

Here is a poem from B., a long-time member of the workshops who has published regularly for over ten years.

Cut From The Will

Though you knew ---
I know you knew ---
I was already stuck outside
In the rock garden’s far end
Atop a three-headed saguaro.

So, why?
I never could make myself
Eat a whole crow
But didn’t I always bring each
Broken body to the backdoor?

I know you saw them.

I left them for you
There on the limestone stair
With its unshaped edge and map
Of dried mildew islands.

I saved you,
Saved you from your stone dream:
Brought you black feathers
Broken bits of wing and claw.
I left them --- always --- so
You could find them
Where the afternoon shadows
From the backyard’s single cottonwood
Reach the door’s sedimentary tread.

Open up!
You hear me,
I know you hear me.
Just open the damn door. . .
I’m asking. . .

            They can try to publish anywhere, and they bring in drafts to workshop for science fiction magazines, travel magazines, literary magazines, and contests like the Pen America Prison Writing Contest.
            In other words, the workshops are a means to an end of reaching an audience, and not an abstract audience, but one that might pay for the right to publish.
Given that the workshops have limited seats and participants that self-select, most of the inmates want to learn, desperately in cases. They do not carry an inheritance of entitlement, like many of the undergraduates at the UA, however. Many come from families that did not expect high levels of literary attainment. They were not told to go to college, become doctors, lead. Many of the inmates have been homeless, or addicted, or grown up in abject poverty, or dropped out of school. In terms of writing, many have trouble with spelling and punctuation and are not afraid to ask basic questions about nouns, verbs, sentences, or whether or not it is better to begin with a detail or a broad overview. They lean in sometimes to ask what a word brought up in discussion means. They want to participate, learn, to inquire. Sometimes the profundity of the questions, such as what is a sentence or what makes a paragraph leave me scratching my head because I don’t know for sure. I can’t define the difference between poetry and prose other than by vague generalizations. They make me think about the fundamental functions of language, the role of a sentence as the smallest unit of story: character and action. They push me to question ways we dramatize the unspeakable.
Given that the context, population, physical resources, and motivations of the prison workshops differ so dramatically from the college writing class, what can a teacher/writer do? How do I negotiate this difference?
The first move I make is to meet them where they are, wherever that is. Then it is time to listen to what it is they need and what the best ways are to offer that. Some inmates need critique, sometimes sharp critique. Others may need encouragement, recognition for exploring difficult subjects or experiences. Sometimes the best thing I can do is listen. Some of them just want to have their say, to speak their truth, share a hard-won realization. These intangibles may be the reward of the workshops. Inmates get no direct social promotion for the workshops, but they can glean some better understanding of themselves by working on creative pieces.
When inmates join the workshops, their writing is often overly sentimental and distressingly abstract. They write, understandably, to daughters, girlfriends, and mothers in language more appropriate to Hallmark cards than to literary publication. Or it is confessional, sensational, and graphic, but goes little further than rendering scenes in distressingly harsh detail. They begin by recording just experience, to the point where there is only circumstantial detail, with little or no broader, audience appeal, or larger idea.  The next level of writing – which begins with a deep engagement with the subject – where it begins to examine a theme or idea, is a big step and depends in part on levels of reading, education, awareness of a worldview or vision.  The bigger ideas, the context, the overlap with an outside reader’s world seem unnecessary or unworthy of consideration. The learning curve for these men is steep. Sometimes, in a matter of months, they write with greater maturity, precision, and honesty. They hear, in the other men’s work, real effort to capture experience through well-chosen, independent, fresh, well-earned language. 
They have to grow beyond embryonic ideas of what good writing is and how much work it takes to shape and share a complex  thought. I realize that I am talking to myself when talking to them. I see that what needs to be said in my own life is the hard stuff -- my fears, anger, and sense of injustice. It takes so much energy to keep that repressed, bottled up, confined. I have begun that process, but have not finished. There is work to be done. It begins with invitation, leads to listening, and then progresses to the craft of shaping for oneself and for a reader. It is one thing to be heard, another to be understood.
When I reload the Subaru and head back toward the city, I remember that when I began to write, I found someone inside myself I did not previously know. The words led to ideas, strung together an identity, spoke taboos, affirmed beliefs. The words took on a life of their own when put to paper. They made some of the darkness conscious. It is the words wrung from darkness that I trust when I go to the prison or to the classroom. With some respect, skill, and something to say students and inmates might find a way to save us from ourselves.

Cowboy


He looks the part -- beat-up wide brimmed hat (prison orange), lanky gait, wry smile. And when he talks, stories about Yuma ranches and desert animals come pouring out.

My first take on him was that the stories were corny old re-runs of cowboy lore, but as he kept talking, they took on the sheen of freshly lived experience. I realized this guy was the real deal, that Cowboy had been living in some back water time capsule of horses, cattle, mules, dusty work, and long stretches between visits to town. His writing was about as unaffected as any I have read. It was just the facts, told with an unvarnished voice.

There was style, living pathos, and charm in the stories about favorite dogs, donkeys, and Yuma history.

I thought he should submit some of his work to Arizona Highways or other glossies that eat up the old and nostalgic West. But that cost money for postage, and Cowboy was indigent as well as untutored in query letters. If he ever sent any out I never heard that he got a response.

His was a world in stark contrast to the urban blight in the background of most of the other members of the workshop. Where they looked for a shocking detail, an edge that might cut into a reader's complacence, Cowboy lulled his audience into sleepy world where trains still ran, outlaws had an anti hero stardom, and pick-up trucks were less common than horses.

The editors decided to publish a few of his pieces, the first he ever published. Cowboy was pleased, but that's about it. It was no big deal, but he did want us to send a copy of the magazine to family. The last piece he wrote in the workshop boded well for the stories to come.



Color of Money



In 1984 I was driving a cattle truck.  I had loaded 45 head of fat cattle at John Wayne’s Red River Ranch down at Stanfield, AZ.  I was headed west to a packing house in East Los Angeles, traveling on I-10 through Indio, CA, running 20 miles over the speed limit.  I was pulled over by the CHP.  I was watching the officer out of my mirror as he was walking up to the cab.  He stopped alongside the trailer and he put his head up close to one of the observation holes just as a steer was taking a shit.  Well, you can guess what happened.  Cop gets up to my cab and looks up at me, and he is covered in shit from his fancy trooper hat down to his silver buckle.



            He says, “Driver, I’ve been on the force 20 years, and I have taken a lot of shit.  But this is the first time I ever ate it.  Driver, get your ass down the road and you better say nothing.”



            He’s looking straight at me as I say, “Yes, sir.”



A bull hauler knows green when he sees it, and that officer was all over with the color of money, a color that I could sure use at the end of my day.



I rolled up that window, saw him walking back to the cruiser, and said again, just for me, “Yes, sir.” Never felt better about kissing up to authority in my life, felt so good I just couldn’t keep it all to myself.  
 

Cowboy drifted in to the workshops in the spring and was moved to another unit by the end of winter. He left a soft-spoken, quietly amusing, story-teller hole in the workshop. We invoke him every once in a while, wondering whether that cop ever found out about the story being read in a prison workshop or if Cowboy ever put together the vanishing puzzle pieces of his Arizona. 

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Heathco


I wait for the bus after I pass through the sally port of the Main Gate at the prison. The day is a prickly one -- heat pressing down and squeezing sweat out my arms, face, and back. A stream of it runs down my back under my shirt.

But these days are lovely in a way. Curtains of rain obscure the Santa Rita mountains to the south, and the hope of rain, of cool, fresh rain hums in the heat. I hear thunder, see ragged sticks of lightning in the distance.

I don't mind standing out in the sun when the vista is like this.

Even the concrete beneath my feet glistens with humidity. Patient wildflowers have defied the scraped discipline of the prison and sprung up in the lower washes. The puddles left over from last night's storm hold blue sky and reddish sediment.

A bus passes, but is not the one that will take me to Santa Rita. I wave at the driver and he nods. I would have taken his bus, but that unit is locked down. Another staff assault coupled with a staffing shortage keeps those inmates in their cells today. We won't get a chance to talk about their entries for the Pen Prison Writing Contest. The deadline for that is only a few weeks away.

Nothing to do about it. I can't go in and they can't come out.

My bus pulls into the roundabout and I wait for the officers to disembark. It's shift change time and the bus is packed with uniformed, badge and weapon wielding men and women who smile and joke as they step down, glad that their Saturday shift is over.

I see evidence of flood when we pass over the culverts on the way to Santa Rita. Water ran last night, under the bridges; it smoothed out the sand, sculpted it into meandering beds. The sand tells the story of being carried through the darkness, left in a new place, waiting for the next flood to travel again.

Once I have my radio and am through the electric gates of the Santa Rita yard, I pass men waiting in line for "meds" or some other appointment. A few look sick, in pain. I feel their eyes on me, appraising, sizing me up, trying to place me. One asks how he can get into the workshop. I stop and explain the process of submitting a "kite," as a guard signals for me to follow him to the education wing where he unlocks a door to an air conditioned room.

He leaves me to set up.

I wait. The thunder continues. I hear laughter from the visitation area on the other side of the wall. No one comes.

After forty five minutes I knock on the thick window of the control room. I ask that they turn the men out for the workshops. The guard looks annoyed or embarrassed and makes the calls.

When the men show up, we have only half an hour left.

I ask if anyone wants to read.

Heathco, one of the regulars of the workshop, speaks up and says he wants to read first.

"My father died three weeks ago," he says. "In the last year, we kinda ... reconnected. We been writing back and forth and he even sent me a story about how he found who he was, how nature helped that, one time when he shot a bird, an Indian hen, when he was only about ten years old. That got me to write more to him about what my life has been....I want to read a poem I wrote to him before he died, one I know he received and read the day he passed."

He reads three pieces: the poem, the story his father wrote to him, about a time he shot and killed a sacred bird, and a reflection on the two other pieces.

He is moved. The other men are quiet. Rain falls. We can hear thunder, close now.

"I never was much what I would call spiritual, but I have to say that I have seen someone out the corner of my eye lately, and that person looks like my father. When I turn to see him straight on, he's not there."

We talk some more, but run out of time. A guard comes into the room and assumes a wide stance. The men get quiet as I give them an assignment for the next workshop.

They leave and I pack up my tub. I make my way out past the window, turn in my radio, and pass though the gates.

I wait again for the bus, now in the rain. I don't mind. I am not worried about lightning.

On the bus, one of the guards asks me, in a sardonic, knowing tone, "Any masterpieces today?"

"You might be surprised," I tell him.

I look out the window and think I hear answers rising from the patterns in the sand, the sand left stripped by the rapture and memory of rain, the water that runs at night.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Not Just Black and White

Tuesday March 1, 2011

3:00 Tucson
We, Ken Lamberton the ex-prisoner, Jerry Marzinsky, the retired prison staffer, and I, a prison volunteer, met in Tucson at UA Poetry Center to carpool up to Tempe for our talk at “Not Just Black and White,” an art installation on the subject of incarceration. Ken carried a box full of Walking Rain Reviews (the prison literary magazine?, copies of his own books , and some articles published by the Poetry Center Ex-Prisoner Workshop.  Jerry had a folder with copies of his latest essay. I had my book bag with a copy of Richard Shelton’s book Crossing the Yard: Thirty Years as a Prison Volunteer along with, ever the teacher, some writing activities for the evening.

On my way to meet these guys I had passed through the Little Chapel of All Nations to check on some submissions to the new prison magazine. Constance, one of the Little Chapel staff, had asked about the event up at ASU. She knew about as much as I did, that it was an art installation about prison put together by visiting art professor Gregory Sales. She remarked to another staffer that I was going up to see the installation.

“Not quite,” I said, “I am going up to BE the installation.”

And so it was.

We did not know what to expect, how many people would show up, what materials we would have, whether or not the audience would be friendly or hostile. Just like a prison workshop, I thought, always shifting, dynamic, subject to lockdowns, room changes, roll-ups, and missed chances — but also full of the possibility of magic.

5:30 ASU Art Museum
We arrived at ASU, where we were met in the ASU Art Museum gallery with paper, pencils, books, and the desire to express; we had the ingredients. Gregory had even provided a white board and dry-erase markers. Ah, now this is the life, I thought.

As people filtered in, I recognized Sherry Rankins-Robertson, the ASU Instructor and PhD candidate who has put together a program that provides inmates with on line feedback on their writing by pairing university English students with inmates. There was Joe Lockard, an ASU literature professor who gives classes at the state prison in Florence, Gregory Sale, the mastermind behind the show, Kristin Valentine, a 40-year-plus prison volunteer. Then there were also students and interested folks from the community.

We began by invoking Richard Shelton.  I read a passage from his book “Crossing the Yard,” in which he tells the story of one man who entered prison illiterate, but who went on to earn an AA degree in psychology and counseling. At one point, Richard asks the man “What’s it like to be illiterate?” The man replies “It’s bad… It’s like being inside a big dark box. All you know is what you need – food, water, drugs, sex. You don’t know what’s outside the box and you don’t know how to find out. You’re scared all the time” (29). He continues to tell the story of this man who beat all the odds and ended up being pardoned by a rare and perceptive governor. The odds were a million to one.

Richard calls this “too hideous a gamble.”  But he also calls it a miracle. He writes “I call for more miracles, but we shouldn’t have to send our children to prison to teach them to read and write”(30).

Then Ken read an excerpt from his prison memoir and essay collection Wilderness and Razorwire.  His account of becoming a writer  — how that happened because of the prison workshops  — drove home the possibilities inherent in a workshop. Jerry followed with a harrowing  account of a “cell extraction” that involved sadistic guards and an inmate suffering from, but strengthened by, a psychotic break. He silenced the hall. After he read, we began to workshop his essay.  The group shared the common task of responding in dialogue about the ideas and presentation of Jerry’s essay. Critiques and responses were offered and writers bent to their work. Consistency of point of view, vivid, prison-specific language, reportorial pacing all made their way into the conversation. The better angels of literacy and human desire to say it well powered our conversation as the clock ticked away.

Finally, we collaborated to compose a surrealist poem using the “Exquisite Corpse” exercise. Lines were written, papers were folded, and chuckles punctuated the writing. We were a group of writers sharing the task of finding new connections and associations.

As participants read the work of the group, the process was complete. In the space of two hours, we had come together, had created a container of shared creation, poignancy, horror, and laughter. We were writers marveling at our humanity and trying to make sense of it all.